As some of you who know me will already be aware, I have been struggling with my mental health lately. A combination of internal and external pressures built up to boiling point recently and I've taken a step back and some time off while seeking help to put me back in a healthy and well place. I'm not going to go into details, but I will say that I have had some dark thoughts and come face to face with demons I thought I'd conquered long ago. As it turned out, they were just sleeping, waiting for me, and they certainly made their presence known recently. I haven't quite put them back to sleep, but I have regained more control over them now and am taking steps forward towards regaining my mental health.
The Lazy Yogi - who I have followed since I was in my late teens - recently posted the image above, along with words which I found very helpful as I slowly began to pull myself out of the hole I had fallen into, they may not resonate with everyone, but they were a good place for me to start as I looked ahead:
A demon is just a god acting out of turn. Our demons are not impurities so much as disharmonies. Understanding this difference will also alter our approach. Less fear, more focus. We don't have to be squeamish about recognising our demons because they do not define us. Their power comes from the way we ignore them. In the light of our attention, their ability to control us shrivels. Their influence no longer goes unquestioned. And their role is disentangled and returned to it's rightful place in our psyche. Stop distracting yourself. Stop running away. Turn and face your patterns and hang ups and you will find freedom.
As things started to build up for me, I tried to ignore them, push them down, drown them out and refused to acknowledge that they were there or that they were having an effect on my life. After the triggering incident, I described to a friend that I felt as if a part of my soul had died, but I didn't want to acknowledge or examine it: I shoved it down and told myself to just keep going.
In short, I did with Lazy Yogi reminds us gives our demons power.
And so they awoke.
But since I have turned and faced them, since I have acknowledged I need help to work through these issues and have turned to people who can assist me, the demons have had less of an influence on me. They are not gone, I haven't tamed them yet or put them back to sleep, but they are softer and not dominating my thought patterns.
This can only be a good thing.
You don't have to like me. I'm not a Facebook post.
Me With No Apologies.